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The IRONMAN’s Guide to Being an IRONMAN

There are two different types of tough guys in this world there are Ironmen and a**holes. There is an extremely fine line between the two , the point of this guide is to describe the major requirements an steps in becoming an Ironman.

The Tude
Attitude is the most integral part of Ironmanning it up, it is all about first and lasting impressions that are made on people that really count. The point of attitude is to gain respect and strike a little fear into their pansy A**. The first step is maintaining constant eye contact. When talking or being talked to look directly into their eyes and blink as little as possible and eventually they will feel inferior and begin to pee their pants. The second step is to master the smirk, the small almost non existent smile is transmitting a small amount of cockiness, no matter what the situation, so the punk A** B*****S know who is in control. The third step is to use the hands as an extension of your S**T talking. The point of this is to keep the punk A** B***H on the defensive and in constant fear of being “HE B***H MAN SLAPPED”, this way he will not think of starting S**T. Step four is having and maintaining good communication skills. When engaged in a conversation there is one important thing to consider, are they an a** clown or do they know their role. If the other person is trying to be a hardA** it is up to the IRONMAN to cut into their Shiznit before they are finished and telling them, with authority, what their role is and finishing off with a catchy phrase (described in later section). If they already know their role there is no need to be rude, treat them respectfully, remember the other rules, and keep them in there place. That way they will not be haten on you.

The Style
The style of the Ironman is entirely up to the Iron man. The common mold for the Ironman has been 1) a comfortable pair of shoes (Coolness of the shoes is a nonfactor) 2) slightly baggy blue jeans 3) a tee-shirt 4) a non-buttoned dress shirt 5) a pair of shades. This style is non-negotiable and if you don’t like it then kiss my IRONMAN A**.

The Bod
“IRONMAN is not only a state of mind, it is a way of life.” Keeping the body in peak physical condition is an important part of the Ironman way. In order to back up the Tude it is important to have a matching physical appearance to complete the package. More importantly focus on one aspect, a specialty, such as basketball, arm wrestling, or punching somebody’s freaking face in. This way if anybody gives you any S**T you can challenge them to your specialty event and whoop some A**. If they insist on a different challenge that is not in your specialty range call them insulting name followed up by a catch phrase, turn around and walk away.

The Boyz
A true IRONMAN chooses his friends carefully because an Ironman is the cream of the crop, #1, the top dogg … exc and his friends should resemble no less then that ideal. An Ironman is always able to help his boyz out when they need it (this is for life or death situations this may not always apply for stupid little S**T). An Ironman will always back his boyz up, with no exceptions (there is no excuse for hoeing one of the boyz out) . An Ironman does NOT talk S**T about one of his boyz outside of the group, however he may discuss his differences with someone with within the group for the purpose of reinforcement to see if they are on the same page as everyone else. The most important thing about the friends to remember is that perfection is not just expected, it is a requirement.

The B***HES
When it comes to the girls, an Ironman is smooth, cool, collected, and knows what’s up at all times. Most importantly a true Ironman is NOT a player, he not only hates players he hates the games (Ironman only needs to play games in courts and fields). An Ironman NEVER lies to his B***H, he is man enough to tell it how it is and accept what ever is coming, because an Ironman fears no one (only cowards need to lie). An Ironman NEVER cheats, because he will not do anything to screw up his integrity. An Ironman treats his B***HES with respect, doesn’t pick fights, and NEVER hits them, NO EXCEPTIONS!!!. When confronted with a disrespectful B***H all of the rules change, except for the hitting rule. If she gets out of control and out of line (especially in front of the boyz) it is then the Ironman’s responsibility to put the B***H in her place and let her know her role followed by a final catch phrase and the boot.

Parties and Drinking
The nickname Ironman bears a large amount of responsibility. When a party is planed an Ironman always offers a helping hand for setup as well as cleanup out of respect for the host. When the party first begins it is up to the Ironman to make sure there is one responsible person that is not drinking or won’t drink enough to make sure that major things won’t go wrong. If this person is found to not be present then an Ironman will assume this role. An Ironman knows his limits, he will drink and party up to his limit, then he will stop. An Ironman is always fun, sometimes a little loud and obnoxious, but never sad or depressed.

Catch Phrases
Catch phrases are a very important part of Ironmanism, the phrases need to be thout of quickly and effectively. The best catch phrases are those I call Custom Catch Phrases, these phrases are new spontaneous phrases specifically designed for the situation. There are those as I refer to as common catch phrases, these are effective but be sure to use them onece and be the first to say it. Some common catch phrases are as follows 1) Shut your mouth B***H. 2) I’m going to smack you in the face with my penis, and it will knock you out 3) Eat me A** clown. There are an infinite number of catch phrases out there but the best ones are original and creative. Finally the golden rule of catch phrases “Never claim credit for somebody else’s phrase “. Use Phrases sparingly because once they are played out they will lose all meaning and make you sound nothing more then stupid.

If you can follow these steps carefully you are on your way to being an Ironman, If you claim to be Ironman and do not follow these rules to the letter I will be forced to smack you in the face with my penis, and it will knock you out. I hope you have learned something, use this information well and never use the IRONMAN’s name in vein.

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